Dard Mand Dil

Ek aadmi bahut hi dard mand dil rakhne wale insaan the. Inhein apne se zyada doosron ki parwah rahti thi. Wo apni pareshaniyon mein bhi doosron ki chinta ko kam karne ki koshish karte the. Ek bar saari precautions ke bawajood inke kapaas ke kheton mein locusts ne hamla kar diya aur saari fasal ko barbaad kar diya.

          Village ke circle par ye aadmi jab apne friend se mile to idhar udhar ki baat karne ke baad friend ne poochha, “Aur batao, fasal ka kya haal hai….?”

          “Bahut bura….!” Us aadmi ne thandi saans le kar jawaab diya.

          “Kyun…? Kya hua..?” friend ne hairaan ho kar poochha.

          “Bas yaar kya bataun…!” us aadmi ne ek aur thandi saans lete hue kaha, “Das lakh locusts mere kheton mein phir rahi hain aur bechariyon ko khaane ke liye kuch nahi hai.”

  Reason

Apni wife ka zikr karte hue ek sajjan ne apne friend se kaha… “Maine us se shaadi is liye ki thi ke us ne meri jaan bachayi thi.”

Friend ne interest lete hue poochha…. “ Wo kaise…?”

“Us ne apne dad ko mujh par goli chalane se roka tha.” Sajjan  ne jawaab diya.

Act of Richness

Ek  beggar ek aadmi ke pas aaya aur bheek mangte hue kaha… “Ek rupaye ka sawaal hai sahab….?”

Is par wo aadmi muskuraya aur haatim tayi ki bawiqaar chaal chalet hue beggar ke qareeb ho kar bola, “Ye kaisa sawaal hai, kuch zyada maango.”

 Beggar ne khush ho kar kaha, “ 50 rapaye ka sawaal hai sahab…?”

Us aadmi ne richness act dikhate hue apna pocket open kiya aur kaha, “ Maaf karo baba, pahle kam paison ke sawaal par maafi maangna hamari tauheen thi.”

Proper Style

Ek sajjan apni new job par aane ke pahle din hi shaam tak computer par kaam karte rahe. Boss bhi khush ho gaye aur poochha… “Tum ne aaj shaam tak kya kaam kiya?”

Un sajjan ne jawaab diya…. “computer key board ke saare button improper the, maine un sabhi ko proper style mein fit kar diya hai.

The secret of Health

One friend (to another): Banana ke saath uska chhilka bhi khaana chahiye.

Another friend: Kya yeh hathon aur pairon ko healthy banata hai…?

First Friend: Yes….! Khaane waalon ke nahin, balki sadak par chalne waalon ke.

The shopkeeper’s Surprise

One boy (to shopkeeper): uncle… ! aap ne yeh eggs kaise diye.

Shopkeeper (surprisingly) : Beta…! Rate poochh rahe ho yaa tareeqa…?

Apni Apni Baat

A wrestler (to opponent): Aap is competition ko kabhi nahi jeet sakte kyunki aap sirf prize money ke liye fight kar rahe hain jab ki main apne sammaan ke liye.

Opponent Wrestler: Zaahir hai, Jiske paas jo nahin hai wo usi ke liye fight karta hai.

This is how it is..?

Saudi Arab mein ek din ek Indian aata khareedne ke liye anaaj ki dukaan par gaya.

Indian: Mujhe wheat ka aata chahiye.

Shopkeeper (Pointing to lentils):Haaza….?

Indian (Hatheli par wheat grains mix karte hue): Haaza ka yun yun.

 April fool

Ek aadmi 1^st April ko kahin jaane ke liye bus mein chadha. Jab conductor ne ticket khareedne ki maang ki, to usne apni pocket se ten rupees nikaal kar ticket khareeda, phir conductor ko sambhodit karte hue kaha…. “April fool….! Mere paas ek pass bhi hai.”  

Prarthana kyun…?

Raju: Kya tumne khane se pahle prarthana karli..?

Sanju: Nahin….Meri mom achha khana banati hain. 

Best Funny Hinglish Jokes

Solid Reason

One friend(to another):Tum school kyun Nahin aarahe ho…?

Another Friend: Yaar! Mere baba kahte hain ek hi jagah bar bar jane se izzat nahin rahti.

Mazaaq

Ek Aadmi (Doosre Se):Tumhaare ghar mein aag ghus aayi hai ….chalo bhago.

Doosra Aadmi:Mazaaq na karo, ghar ki chabiyan to mere paas hain.

Aadat

Ek Doctror ko Insha Allah, Masha Allah Kahne ki aadat thi. Ek din wo ek mareez ko dekhne gaya….

Mareez:Doctor sab, mere pet mein dard hai.

Doctor:Masha Allah…!

Mareez (Ghabra Kar):Kya main jaldi mar jaunga ..?

Doctor:Insha Allah.

6 baj chuke hain….!

Husband wife mein jhagda ho gaya aur dono mein baat cheet band ho gayi.Lekin phir paper par likh likh kar ek doosre se baat karne lage.

Ek Subah husband ko jaldi jaana tha isliye wo paper par ek message likh kar so gaye jis par likha tha “mujhe subah 6 baje utha dena.”

Next day jab husband ki aankh khuli to 10 baj rahe the.hsband ko wife par bada ghussa aaya lekin wife ka paper par likha message dekh kar sara ghussa jaata raha jis par likha tha “Uth jao, 6 baj chuke hain.”

Saboot

Teacher (Student Se): Earth ke round hone ke teen saboot pesh karo…?

 Student: No.1…. aap se suna hai, No.2 …. Pita ji kahte hain aur No.3…. Kitabon mein likha hai.

Paagal Kaun…?

Ek paagal aadmi ek pole par chadh gaya aur zor zor se chillaane laga “Main kood kar mar jaunga.” Iski aawaaz sunkar wahan log jama hogaye aur log is se kahne lage ke utar jao lekin wo na maana.

Itne mein wahan se doosra paagal ja raha tha, us ne dekha to jaldi se wo bhi pole par chadh gaya aur pahle paagal ke kaan mein kuch kaha to pahle wala paagal aur doosra dono hi neeche utar aaye.

Logon ne doosre paagal se poocha ke aisa usne kaan mein kya keh diya ke wo neeche hi utar aaya..? Doosre paagal ne kaha…”Maine us se kaha ki jaldi neeche utar jaao, warna main scissor lekar pole ko kaat dalunga.”

Age

Ek din choohe ke bachche ki mulaqaat haathi ke bachche se ho gayi. Choohe ke bachche ne haathi se poochha  “Tumhari age kitni hai…?” Haathi ke bachche ne kaha…. “2 saal.” Choohe ka bachcha ye sunkar bada hairaan huwa ki itni kam age mein itni badi body.

Ab haathi ke bachche ne choohe se pooch liya … “ aur tumhari age kya hai..?”  sawaal sun kar choohe ne kaha…. “ Age to meri bhi 2 saal hai, par meri sehat thodi kharaab hai.”

Last Wish

Ek reporter ne phaansi ke qaidi se questions karte huwe poochha… “ Aap ki last wish kya hai…?” Is par qaidi ne jawaab diya… “ Meri jagah aap hi phaansi par latak jayen.”

Poet’s Answer

Ek poet ne Eid par wahi purane Eid ke kapde pahne lekin uske shoes naye lag rahe the. Logon ko laga ki yeh chori ke hain. Poet ne logon ki aankhon ko dekhte hue kaha…..

Yeh jo shoes hain,

Yeh na samjho chura kar laya hoon;

Yeh to khuda ki taraf se gift hain,

Usi ke ghar se utha kar laya hoon.

The obvious difference

Most Funny Hinglish jokes

Shaanti

Ek baar pati ki tabiyat bahut kharaab thi. . .

Pati: Kaam wali shaanti ko bulao. . . ?

Patni: Kyun. . . ? Kya baat hai. . . ?

Pati: Doctor ne kaha hai ki. . .  “ Dawai khaa kar shaanti ke saath so jaana. . . . !!!”

Great Scientist

          Sir ne class mein ek sawaal poochha. . . “Ek mahaan Scientist ka naam bataao. . ?”

Student: Aaliya Bhat. . !

Sir (chhadi dikhaate huwe):  Kya  schoolmein yahi seekh rahe ho. .  ?

Other Student: Yeh totla hai sir, “ Aarya Bhat bol raha hai. . . !!”

Customer Care Executive

Teacher (sanju se): Tumhaare papa kya karte hain..?

Sanju: Ji. . . , Wo roz gaaliyan khaate hain.!

Teacher: Kya matlab. . . ?

Sanju: actually… wo customer care executive hain?

Mid Night Phone Call

Aadhi raat ko . . . bedroom ka telephone baja.

Pati (Patni se): koi mere bare mein poochhe to keh dena main ghar par nahin hoon.

Patn (Phone utha kar): Mere pati ghar par hi hain.

Pati (chidhte huwe): Main ne kaha tha naa… koi mere bare mein poochhe to kahna main ghar par nahin hoon.

Patni (tilmilaate huwe): So jaao chup chaap, har baar zaroori nahin ke tumhare liye hi phone ho..!

 Pati  behosh….

First Time…!

Ladka jaise hi station se baahar nikla, khushi se uchhalne laga. . . !

Friend: Kya hua, itna khush kyun ho?

Ladka: Aaj pahli baar mujhse kisi ladki ne metro mein baat ki.

Friend: Wah bhai, waise kya baat ki us ladki ne..?

Ladka: Main baitha tha, wo boli utho. . .  yeh ladies seat hai.

 Khabardaar…!

Ek electrician ne apne madadgaar ladke se kahaa… “Beta..! Do taar pade hain, in mein se ek  ko chhoo kar dekho ki is mein bijli hai ki nahin….?

Ladke ne Master ki baat maante huwe taar ko chute huwe jawaab diya… “Nahin..”

Master bola… “Khabardaar…! Ab doosre taar ko mat chhoona, warna mar jaoge.”

Zaroorat

Ek sharer ladke ki shikayat karte huwe ustaad ne us ke pita ji ko likha…

“Dear parent, aap ka ladka bohat shrarati hai , wo padhne likhne mein dil nahin lagata, aur doosre ladkoN se ladta rahta hai, aur unhein bhi kaam karne nahin deta, aap krupya karke usko samjhayein aur shararat kam karayein.”

Pita shri ne jawaab mein likha… “Dear teacher, agar yahi sab kuch main khud kar sakta tha to bachche ko school bhejne ki zaroorat kyat hi..?”

Apoorv Udahran

Ek paryatak ek guid eke saath chidya ghar ki sair kar raha tha, jab woe k aise pinjre ke saamne pahonche jis mein Tiger & bakri ek saath locked the to paryatak ko behad hairat huwi aur us ne guide sr kahaa “wah! Wah! Shaantipoorn sah-astitv ka ye apporv udahran hai, par ye sambhav kaise huwa….?”

“wo is tarah ki ham ek nayi bakri pinjre mein daalte hain.” Guide ne jawaab diya. 

Big Misunderstanding

Ek aadmi se us ke neighbor ne shikayat ki… “Dekhiye Janaab…! Kal aap ke bete ne mujhe pathar se mara.”

Aadmi: Kya wo pathar aap ko laga…?

Neighbor: Nahin.

Aadmi: To wo mera beta nahin hai, kisi aur ka beta hoga. Aap ko misunderstanding huwi hai.

Zaroori Kaam

Teacher(to student): kya tum ne home work kiya hai…?

Student: Nahin.

Teacher: To phir maar khaane ke liye tayyar ho jao.

student: Master ji..! Kya main haath dho aaon.

Teacher: Kyun…?

student: Ammi kahti hain ki koi bhi cheez khaane se pahle haath zaroor dho liya karo.